Torn between:

Responsibility and adventure,
Strained solvency and lasting bankruptcy,
Investment in tomorrow and indulgence in today,
Acknowledgement of consequences and distaste at trapping myself,
Stability and excitement,
Wake Forest and New Mexico.


I choose one, and I likely never have a chance for the other.

She wants kids someday. At least one of us needs a stable job to support a child. (A child costs $170,000 to raise from birth to 17 years old. Not counting college. $9,000/year from birth and increasing from there. [Souce: USDA Study on Expenditures on Children by Families, 2001]) She'll disregard this, won't believe that it applies to her. Us.


Catch 22. Contradictions. Impossible.


Go to Wake Forest: she'll leave me (doesn't believe in commitment. Selfish? Self-oriented? Self-preserving?) but I'll have the option of choosing a stable career in the future.

Go to New Mexico: We'll be together unless she decides to leave me (doesn't believe in commitment. Selfish? Self-oriented? Self-preserving?) but we won't be able to support ourselves, let alone children.



Too much thinking: leads to indecision, bad choices, too much focus on the negatives.
Too much feeling: leads to instability, dependency on others, negative consequences.


Torn between heart and head.