Unspoken understanding.

She won't talk to me; doesn't want to yet. She still loves me, but she's torn inside. She doesn't want me to try and talk to her, so I won't.

It's a conflict. She lived deeply, she followed her bliss in England. Burlington cannot do the same for her; New Mexico was supposed to. Then I came along and ruined it.

But I didn't ruin it: we have an incredibly deep spiritual connection. We are soulmates, whether unique or not. She doesn't know what to do about this. Conflicted.

She wants to regain the deep feelings she felt in England, but hasn't been able to do so. She never will. I want her to realize, to understand that she and I, together, can build something new and wonderful, something different from what she felt in England: different, but better, stronger.

She's considering leaving me. I want only her happiness; I will not pressure her into staying with me--though I will not give up without any fight at all. But she doesn't realize that if she leaves me now, that if our love is severed, it will not, it can not regrow. I cannot allow that to happen. I can't do that to myself: I've done it before and it's nothing but pure pain. I live in the moment and appreciate what I have around me. I will not live in the future on unfounded hope.

Together we can find satisfaction and deep spiritual fulfillment. Apart we can find contentment, but not like what we can build together.

Time.

Time.

She's conflicted.

A week ago, she loved me, wanted to move out west with me. I would go with her in a heartbeat.

Friday morning she left, ran out with scarcely a goodbye, in a hurry. She's barely spoken to me since. Saturday night she had a party; wouldn't even make eye contact.


Something's changed. I love her, I will wait for her if that's what she wants. Love me or leave me, but choose, I want to say. This hurts, this not knowing, this state of limbo. Is it that she simply doesn't respect me enough to tell me what she wants, what she needs? If it's time, I can give her that; if it's space, I'll back away; if it's affection, I'll hold her in my arms; if it's complete separation, her happiness is my only concern.


Our love is worth fighting for, I feel, but I cannot impose my views on her; she, like me, is independent. Strong.


She wanted to travel with me. Live in a community out west.


I would wait for her as long as she needs if she thinks she may one day love me again. But if she wants to separate, it will be--it must be--forever. That thought hurts, but not so badly as what I feel now, just wanting to talk to her, just wanting to know what she's feeling.

What has changed? Why won't she talk to me?